It is an instinct of the body to heal, even if it feels like a betrayal of the one you have lost. To contrast what I feel now to the visceral pain of last year at this time is impossible, but losing the immediacy of that pain came with a relief that allowed me to remember Lula with more than just sadness. I can think of her now, I can talk of her now, sometimes, with humor and joy, of little moments we got to have with her, and the remarkable time we got to experience as a complete family.
Lula has now been dead longer than she was alive. This is a strange reality, because she continues to be such a central part of our lives; she directs our thoughts, our philosophies, our feelings continually. Sometimes I start to feel as though she has become more of an idea, an icon, a muse to me, like Artemis. Her body was so cruel to her in all of its suffering that it is hard to miss her physical presence except for her utter beauty and softness. But I want to remember that she was here, that she was real and a person, however flawed and however brief, she lived on this same earth as the rest of us.
In honor of this very real little girl I am now a board member of Extreme Kids and Crew, an amazing organization that aims to help kids with disabilities have a place to just be themselves and express themselves creatively. If you would like to make a donation in Lula's honor, please do so here: